I'm a senior in college. My freshman year, I was date-raped by a boy in my class. It has forever changed me. Now, my last year of college, the time when I have every right to go out, get drunk, have fun, be as crazy as I want to be, I can't bring myself to enjoy time at all. All I want to do is hide from the world, all because some idiot wanted to get laid three years ago. He will never know how much he changed me, how he took something away from me, and how I will never get it back. I will look back on this moment in 10 years and know I should have got up, went out, and got over it. But I can't. It holds me down, pushes me deeper into myself, and I'm not sure I can find a way out.
I ended up having sex with a teacher of mine in college. I knew she was married but did it anyway not caring of the consequences. I'm grown up and have a very nice job working for the government, only to find out my boss is the husband of the teacher whom I had sex with. The thing is, I respect my boss because he essentially gave me a job when nobody else would hire me, when nobody else gave me a shot, he did and now I'm secure for the rest of my life. I respect him like a father because I never had one, yet I helped his wife cheat on him and it tears me up everytime I look at him...and I'm too much of a coward to tell him the truth.
I have a secret, I am gay. It is hard to even type that let alone say it. I wish I wasn't but it's the way I was born, like being born with a disease or mutation. My family doesn't know, nor do any of my friends, but I can't get the strengh to tell anyone. If I tell my family, I know they'll still love me, but I know what their views of homosexuality are and they may not be as close to me or support me. My few friends will probably reject me. I will be left alone all which is my biggest fear. I have trouble making friends as it is. If I don't tell anyone and go on living this fake life, I will have friends and family, but I will never have a relationship or love, and will end up alone that way too. I'll never have my own family with a wife and children to come home to, or any of the experiences a father has with their children. All I'll have is me and possibly a partner if I want to lose everything else. Sometimes I ask God, why did I have to be gay? Wh y would you allow something like this? I never asked for this curse and I wish I could make it go away. Whichever choice I make, I will lose.
I was molested by my brother from the age of 7-10. I think he raped me, but I've pushed it so far out of my mind that I don't know if I'm a virgin or not. That's the reason I wont let you touch me and I'm sorry because I do love you.
I stopped taking my bipolar medications without telling my doctor. i dont want to take them anymore. i want to use painkillers and drink again. i hate my life. i lie all the time. i tell more lies than truths. secretly i wish i were dead. but i cant kill myself. i cant be that selffish so hopefully ill get hit by a bus on my drive home from work.
Well here I am. I am about to tell it all I just turned 27 and I feel that I have the curse of the 27 if you all know what that is well I have been planning this for well since I was 19 and well ive decided that tonight is the night that im going to do it well alot has happened a guy i was dating for about 1 1/2 years went crazy on me and my ex husband well he went crazy on me today and im just at this point i just dont know what to do. I have 2 beautiful children and he tries to make my life hell because of them he wont pay child support i cant even afford to pay my rent never the less anything else im sick have cancer and have missed alot of work dont know what im going to do just lost in my self need some good insite well dont think that will ever happen...................................=so here i am to say good bye those who know me know what i have gone through and those who dont just be glad its not u!!
